Rule # 12: Only three types of people tell the truth: kids, drunk people, and anyone who is pissed the fuck off.

—Richard Pryor (via bl-ossomed)
posted 4 21 14 with 526,568 notes , via , source
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bundere:

What’s that on your hand????? *holds it* itS ME

posted 4 20 14 with 52,036 notes , via , source
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childofgloom:

mildlyamused:

incredulousbeliever:

dionthesocialist:

It’s hilarious that non-Americans on Tumblr are all like “OMG DENNY’S TUMBLR MAKES ME WISH I LIVED IN AMERICA SO I COULD EAT THERE,” while us Americans will literally only eat at Dennys if it’s 3 in the morning and we’ve lost control of our life.

You don’t go to Denny’s. You end up at Denny’s.

And not that Denny’s. Let’s go to the good one across town.

The accuracy of this scares me so much

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babylizard:

babylizard:

easter baby :+)

ATTN: you have been visited by the easter lizard.

1 like: the easter lizard will grant you good luck `for a year

1 reblog: the easter lizard will come to you in a dream and grant you one wish

posted 4 20 14 with 5,934 notes , via , source
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suluboo:

relationship tip #78: ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ are cliche and outdated. try a fun new nickname such as ‘lieutenant’ instead 

posted 4 20 14 with 269,492 notes , via , source
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megablaziken:

I went to the Met today

posted 4 20 14 with 205,364 notes , via , source
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africanaquarian:

trying to eat without completely fucking up your lipstick

image

posted 4 20 14 with 2,511 notes , via , source
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posted 4 20 14 with 44,486 notes , via , source
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posted 4 20 14 with 10,626 notes , via , source
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caitluffs:

applethefruit:

crrocs:

how am i supposed to make creative funny text posts when nothing happens in my life at all

you just use a story from sims and pretend it really happened to you

one time i was swimming but the pool ladders disappeared so i couldn’t get out of the pool and i swam for 10 hours then died

posted 4 20 14 with 420,931 notes , via , source
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